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  • Writer's pictureCourtney D

Never Round Out Your Edges - for anyone

You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone - profusely. But do not ever apologize for being who you are.

For the longest time I thought these qualities were flaws in my personality. Turns out they are what make me.. ME, the can't contain my laughter, uncontrollable volume and over the top excitement part of me.

I get excited over the dull things, like going out to dinner at my favorite restaurant or meeting one of my girls for nachos (yes we plan what we are eating in advance, you don't??).

No topic is off limits. I gravitate towards women who are not afraid to lay everything on the table or discuss topics that most wouldn't want to bring up. I want to talk about my insecurities, my hardships and my major successes. I want to talk about budgets and plans for the future. I am an open book. To some, that is intimidating and maybe even "too much" for a public outing with friends; but to me and the women I surround myself with, that is real. That is who we are and we are not afraid to be vulnerable with each other.

My mind jumps. I constantly have new ideas, outlooks and things I want to do. I share these things with only a handful of people. Although I am not afraid to be vulnerable, I do not like sharing the big things until I have a plan of action.

Those handful of people are my people, my circle. The ones I trust with anything and everything that crosses my mind. The ones that I turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on or encouragement. These are my hype people, my supporters.

These are my few.

I choose who sits at my table wisely because not only do I know what I bring to the table but I also know what I expect when you sit across from me.

I am unique. I have never been a part of a group. I just swayed between people I knew from class, projects and sports. I never fit in anywhere and back in high school I wanted to - I so badly wanted to.

Those people that I wanted to hang out with would laugh at how excited I got over something so small or how loud I was when we were taking the cars on a backroad and I was having a good time. I would dull myself down to fit into their circle, but then they'd say I was being quiet and weird... go figure.

But guess what?! I needed to go through that. I needed to experience both sides because what I learned was that I do not have to water myself down just because someone can't handle me at 100 proof. I do not have to round out my edges. I do not have to dull my shine to make someone else feel comfortable. I do not have to change who I am to fit into someone else's box.

If I were to do those things, I would lose what makes me this boisterous, over the top, loud, sassy, charismatic individual.

If anyone expects you to change who you are to fit into their world, they are not your people and that is entirely OKAY.

Find your people. Find the ones who inspire you to continue being you. Find the people who encourage you to think differently. Those people that push you to boundaries that you didn't even know existed, keep them and hold onto them. Embrace the madness of life with them and never apologize for being exactly who you are.

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